Why communication is the real secret to success

Of all the arts out there in the world, the art of communication is the senior one. The most important. People ask me for lessons on effective communication, and I always find that phrase a little funny. If it is not effective, it is not communication. Think about that for a moment.

And I am not standing here claiming I have it mastered. I have literally gone to course after course on the skill of communicating. Just today, my wife and I were in there arguing, and you could see exactly how effective the two of us were being. Nobody graduates from this subject. You just keep getting better at it, and every bit of better pays you back.

What communication actually is

Here is what I mean by the art. You have an idea in your head. Your job is to take that idea, simplify it, and carry it across the distance to another human being who is not you. They may not have the time to listen. They may not have your vocabulary, your education, or your belief system. And you still have to land it so they can say, okay, I get what he said.

Notice what that does not mean. It does not mean they agreed with me. Agreement is a whole other level of the same art, and getting there is my job too. But the first win is smaller and harder than people think: they received the idea, they were not offended by receiving it, and they got it. When that happens, you have duplicated the idea in another mind. That is the gift of life, and I mean that.

Talk about the uglies

Now, here is the part of communication no one tells you about, and it is the part that makes it the real secret to success. If there is anything that makes me a person of worth, it is that I truly love people. I want to see them do well. I want to see them better off in life. And in order to do that, you have to be willing to do two things: bless their plus points, and point out their minus points.

Everybody is happy to do the first half. It is easy to talk about what is right. But most people are afraid to talk about the uglies. The thing that is off. The thing everyone can see and no one will name. If you want to become successful in life, you have to be willing to get in there and talk about what people do not want to talk about.

What silence costs you

Because here is what happens when you do not. If you see it, you observe it, you know it is there, and you ignore it, then you have betrayed yourself, your family, and everyone who works for you. That is not me being dramatic. Silence about a real problem is a decision, and it is a decision against your own people.

And if you are an employee, the same rule applies to you. You might have to use more tact and diplomacy to say what you see. Fine, use it. But you still need to say something, because if you do not, you are not being honest with yourself, and little by little you stop being yourself. That is the real price of keeping quiet. Not the awkward conversation you avoided. The person you stopped being.

Get the data, then say what you see

So the formula is simple. Be you. Observe what you observe. Then make sure you have all the data before you open your mouth, because missing data will color the scene, and there are few things uglier than a hard conversation built on half a picture.

But once you have the data and you see what you see, say it and act on it. That is how you grow in life. That is how the people around you grow too.

Of all the arts out there in the world, the art of communication is the senior one. I have studied a lot of things in my career, and sales most of all, but the work I have put into communicating is the work that changed everything for me. So whatever you can do to increase the quality of your communication, go do it. It will make all the difference.