This is how I became truly confident

A private message came in, so here is a private answer, shared because it might help somebody else too. A man wrote to tell me he had officially filed for bankruptcy, and he asked how long it took me, after losing it all, to start feeling confidence and momentum again. It is a fair question, and I can answer it honestly, because I have had the rug pulled completely out from under my feet four times. Boom. Flat on my face. Ouch.

The first few times, and that includes a bankruptcy of my own, it was truly a matter of days before I was moving again. It hurts. Of course it hurts. You feel disappointed, you say it is not fair, you lick your wounds for a couple of days. But there is a saying that you cannot keep a good man down, and I would like to be one of those good men. So a couple of days, and then get over it. Get back up.

The fourth time, though, something different happened, and it cost me two years of my life. That is the part of this story that deserves your full attention.

The fourth time was different

I can remember it like it was yesterday. I came in the front door of my house and my wife met me there, and I was furious. A business partner had just taken an income stream that was supposed to be mine, and there was not a thing I could do about it. Now, losses had happened to me before. The difference this time was what came out of my mouth next.

I started listing off everything that was wrong with me. I decided I had done things wrong and that I was no longer worthy. I did not deserve this beautiful house. I did not deserve these beautiful cars. I did not deserve the education I was getting. I did not, I did not, I did not. I made an agreement with this thing called life, a deal of self imposed punishment. And then I did the truly dangerous part. I forgot I ever said it.

For the next two years I could not lift my arm. I could not get going. I could not handle things. I could not build up a head of steam. I could not be me. If you have ever watched a capable person mysteriously stall for years, this may be exactly what you are looking at.

Spotting the agreement

Then one of my dear friends asked me what it was like to go through that kind of destruction. And as I explained it to him, I finally heard myself. I said all those things. I did not deserve this, I did not deserve that. I had put a self imposed punishment in place, it stuck, and everything collapsed for two years, exactly as I laid it out.

Here is the rule underneath all of this: life can never do anything to you unless you give it permission. I did worse than give permission. I gave life the instructions for how to take me apart, and it followed them to the letter. The moment I spotted what I had done, everything changed. I was working a job at the time, and I remember thinking, all right, I see it now. I set this thing in motion. Time to get back to me being me.

Becoming me again

Almost immediately, I got a chance to prove I meant it. I was driving down a road in Clearwater and saw a big billboard. We will lend you money, and we will let you know in hours. I said okay, called the number, and gave them my information. Literally within hours they called back and said the money was mine.

I took that loan home and handed it to my wife. I told her, this is all you are going to get until I start making more money, so spend it wisely. And that is when I took off again. I became me again. I started figuring things out. I could go do this. I could go do that. It took me a couple of months, but I got back on my game, and that run is where I built the company that grew into American Power and Gas.

Doing something bad versus being bad

This is probably one of the best pieces of advice I have ever given my children. There is a huge difference between having done something bad and being bad. Look at the action for what it was. Come on, we all do something bad sometimes. But only you can decide whether you are bad. The power is within you.

So things fell apart, and you screwed up, and sure, you could have done it differently. Get over it. Forgive yourself and get back on it. I am really serious about this. Just because something bad occurred does not make you bad. Only you can decide that.

And to the man who wrote to me: I do not wish a bankruptcy on anybody, and it is going to hurt for a while. Let it hurt for a couple of days. Then watch what you say about yourself, because whatever you declare, life will carry out. I hope this helps.